MKMMA–Week 11–Help me see where I’ve changed

Cessena 182 model

Am I changing? Will my dreams come true?

ocean

My life feels turbulent.

Perhaps I am too close to evaluate any difference in me but maybe you can.  I remember when my children were smaller there were occasions where we might be apart for a period of a few weeks and I certainly could see the changes in growth and habits which happened in such a short time.  People, close by, could not see the differences as well because the change was constantly taking place under their care.

I feel discouraged.  I expected things to happen quicker…..To change sooner, so I could take better care of my family and myself.

The POA portion has got to me.  I have a mental conflict between knowing what “I am supposed to do” versus the memories of the past tries, where my attempts were failures.

The sit this week I have been concentrating on the Bible passage about what Jesus said concerning believing that I have already received  and that I will.

When will I see things happen?  When should I expect a change or answer to prayer?  I have no problem believing God can do anything because He can.  He made everything.

I told you about becoming a Foster Parent last week.  I am not sure it was a good thing to do.  At a time in life, where I had looked forward to getting to know my wife better now that our own children are grown, I am back to being servant to more people in the household.  Perhaps it is selfish but I wanted my best friend to be my number one player on my team.  It appears that team is only important as long as she is the captain and calling the shots.

I look at my movie poster.  I read my DMP,  I read and look at the shapes and colors.   I repeat do it now 50 times a day. I read the GS.  I read the blueprint builder.

Tonight I cried during my “sit”.  I want to change.  I want to be different.  I want to make a difference……..I know I am saying “WANT”….I could use NEED or DESIRE.  Does this mean because I am using these words that, that is what my subby is giving up to me?   A void?  Because that is what it is?

How do I grasp this aspect of declaring something is mine?  My mind just tells me that it isn’t.  How to I escape from this old blueprint that makes me check everything against the reality as I see it?

I hurt.  I am sad.  People are important to me and I like to say positive things to them to brighten their days.  I feel like I can help others to feel good about themselves but I am having a hard time with the me I have inside.

I am digging in and moving forward despite how I feel.  I just wish that I could give one of those glowing testimonies on how all these wonderful things are happening to me.  Perhaps in time.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for (I believe I already have) and the evidence of the things not seen (a promise kept).   Do you know how badly I want this as my reality?

Let’s see how next week goes.

Daniel Fenton

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14 thoughts on “MKMMA–Week 11–Help me see where I’ve changed

  1. Daniel I have struggled with a lot of what you have shared and I am thankful I have my faith to lean on. I can relate this course and the promise of what it represents to the life I desire means a lot to me too I’m hungry for my new life like yesterday. What I had to understand is that for me it took a lot of years to make this old me and its going to take some effort and trust in the process to get past him and all he knows. Scroll 3 for me gives me strength and courage to know struggle and even some pain is expected but its your will to continue even if its one step you are succeeding closer to what you desire. I have read your past blogs and I can say you are growing and your last blog inspired me that entire day after reading it. You are on the way my friend, You are whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy. I hope this helps you.

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  2. Hey Dan, Stick with it my friend…I am. What a great comment above: How long did it take for us to become what we are, how long do you expect it to take for us to become what we want to be? Although I am like you, I want it yesterday, but I have been guided to relax and stay the course. Heck, I haven’t even been able to create a true DMP that resonates fully with me yet. Let’s keep at it and keep supporting each other, our future selves deserve it.

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  3. I respect and value your honesty Dan and truly love the support given by fellow Master minders, who have given fantastic advise. I truly relate to your blog comments Dan and could really do with living my future life right now. I am reciting “I AM whole, Perfect …….. ” all day to keep my mind positive!! We’ve got this and can do it!! I look forward to hearing from you next week!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. We will be world changers with the choices we have made. I will keep at it because without my own change I stay where I am at and that does not serve me well. Thanks. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dan, my prayer for you is to know clearly: YOU are special! Believe in your new reality and God only wants the best for you, showing His love, grace and favor to you. Foster parenting is part of your journey right now and a noble one.Could it be possible God will show up in a tremendous way, unbeknownst to you yet, changing, growing and maturing you in the process into the one you are destined to be?
    Hang on to your dreams, share them with your wife. He will turn your sadness into Joy!

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    • Thank you for acknowledging God in your comment and His Care for me. Truly He is the one in control of my life and does have a purpose in having me be here and work on myself with this activity of MKMMA. My eyes are wide open to what He wants for me. Thank you.

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  5. Thank you for the honesty, Dan. I recognise the struggles of the old blueprint. I personally hold faith in the successes of the fellow-MKMMA-ers and by the little steps I notice within myself. I know you can do it, Dan! You persist and succeed.

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